The only constant in life is change..

..and God. But anyway it's quite true.

I've started writing short stories. They are inspired by what has happened to me. But they are not entirely true. Especially the feelings. I make them sound more serious and bigger then they really are. I even add extra parts, facts to the stories which didn't actually happen to me but make the story better. (Like in my poem I wrote earlier).
I create my own reality.

Here's one...:

/sorry Hungarian speakers this is in English now. maybe later I'll share Hungarian ones too :) /

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Hogy vagy?

'Hi!'

'Heeey!'

'How are you?'

...How am I? Weird. I don't know what's going on with me. I haven't eaten anything in the last two weeks. I always tell everyone that I'm eating really healthy now, cuz I eat fruit several times a day. The only problem is that I don't eat anything else. Or maybe just oat. Yeah, I eat lots of oat too. Oat in milk. Like musli. Oat-pancakes. Oats porridge. If its anything else - even looking at it makes me sick.
It has happened to me before - that I didn't eat for a while -  but it never took longer than a week. Now two weeks have already passed and I still don't feel like I could finally eat normally.
My soul is not okay either. In the last week there weren't a day when I didn't cry. Sometimes even without knowing the reason of it. I wrote on my blog that I almost cry on History lessons cuz we've been learing about the I. World War. Well, this only became worse. Now I cried even after Literature lesson. Last time we spoke about a woman who went running and got murdered and .. even worse. They didn't let her husband (who had been a policeman before!) to see her body. After the lesson I went to one of my friends who's so close to my heart.. and I told her to never go running alone again. And while telling her this and hugging her I started weeping. I couldn't stop it til the lesson has started.

That's why I've been avoiding watching or even just hearing the news recently. I know it well enough how awful this world is I don't need an every day reminder.

Satan has also tried to discourage me in connection with the Coffee Shop I've been planning to open sometimes in the future. I've heard someone being told by a bookkeeper that it's almost totally impossible to have a successful company if you do everything legally. And though I really want to stay in the country I'm still so afraid of not having enough money to have a life I'd like. I don't want too much. Just that when my children come to me that they'd need new shoes cuz they don't have any for the winter.. then I could easily buy them without worrying what will I have no money for then.

...

And I'm also missing you. I miss speaking with you. So many times I feel like I want to tell you this! But.. you don't have time. So I might tell someone else.. or write it down to my diary. Or just forget about it and let it go with the wind.
I want to tell you all these things. And also that I take part in the school play we perform on 23. Oktober. Well, not that exact day but in connection with it. And I'd tell you about that as well. That what's that day about.
I'd tell you about our history.
About what we learn now. 

About the book I'm reading now.

The poem I read.
I'd tell you about Karinthy.
I'd tell you everything I know. The stupid ideas I have in my head. The thoughts coming to my mind which make totally no sense but still I must share them with someone.
How am I?
I'd need hours to tell. Days, ages, decades.
But I know we don't have time. So all I say is.. 

'Kinda OK, thank you. And you?'

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